Surfing analogies to sex, and summertime:)
I love surfing small waves, ones that break beautifully and carry me gently while I push through, I like to go early in the morning or in the evening when hardly anyone is around. Sometimes I go with my friend Renee, she always surfs bigger waves than me, and I jokingly tell her she is like every boyfriend I have had who won't let me just cruise around waiting for the perfect sets to roll through, but there she is motioning to me to, "Come here, no over there, yeah paddle, and take this one!! I find it endearing when she does it. We've had long talks about all the fights that couples get in about surfing. I will get more into these later, because this topic deserves its own column. Surfing is one of those things the more I do the more I want. It's pretty much the equivalent of sex, the longer I go without I forget how much I love it, and then when I am doing it again, I ask myself why I ever held out so long to do something that I love:) and this is a bit off subject but I just thought of something. I was going to go surfing when I was in Wales but it was bloody flat and I just don't understand wetsuits, I mean there isn't any tactile contact, I would imagine surfing with a wetsuit is the same thing as when you have sex with a condom, It's kind of good and you can't REALLY feel it, but hey you are still doing it! :) ~PS I am all for safe sex so don't get all crazy, I am just saying to go from surfing in Hawaii to surfing in a wetsuit in Wales isn't really a step up mate. So yeah I go every couple weeks and I am saying after "YEAH I am surfing everyday!" And then I get caught up in school and work and weeks go by. Honestly I would take a whole year off and just surf everyday here. But really I am not a charger, I am not good really at all. I just like to have fun, I don't think I possess the desire to ever charge huge waves, I have paddled out in some pretty massive places with my ex, and getting caught in those sets, getting held underwater and just praying you will come back up. That was enough to humble me back into my own comfort zone. It takes a special fucking person to charge big waves I have so much respect for those people I don't think it's in my DNA. I don't really give a shit if people are so concerned about what is cool, I just like to have a good time. I think it's much better than the times I have been out and someone is surfing way out of their league and just getting in the way and putting everyone in danger. I am perfectly happy riding the summer waves, I had great days with my girlfriends just beautiful glassy days. On these days I think to myself these ten years of Hawaii of beauty, and struggle and all of it. These moments leave me feeling so clear and grateful.. I had a beautiful summer surfing, there were some days I devoted just to surfing and I honestly don't think I could have been any happier than the end of my days where I would still be warm from the sun, eating good food, and drinking coconuts and sinking into your bed so exhausted in the best way, like the same feeling you get from skiing and snowboarding all day and coming in and showering and laying in soft blankets by the fire (I miss the snow) Ahhhh yes these are a few of my favorite things. And while I have no poetic words of wisdom this time for saying goodbye to my summer waves. I will await those days again. and be grateful for this existence. I love Hawaii I do...
A.Ell Fashion Show, Featuring Ema Savahl
We had a Pretty Amazing time making a fashion show happen over the weekend, these pics are by yours truly, Keri Cooper and Aaron Feinburg...
I am right here...
I write this again in the throes of insomnia that seem to just plague me until I force my thoughts onto paper. These are the hours in which I wish I had more, more energy coursing through me to dance or sing, but I often stare out into the night from my porch typing whimsical longings and nonsensical nonsense. I have felt my world rise and expand lately reaching forward toward knowing something more, the simplicity of these things bring me so much joy, I have vowed to be present with people. I find it a lost art, one that yields such a different experience altogether. I am not perfect, but I am trying to be better. About a month ago when I did this cleanse it forced me into doing this, I went to my friends house and she worked on her ceramics and I painted, and we talked, we didn't just talk we took turns pondering and listening. And the next day I felt that we both left each other knowing something special had taken place. A silence and respect for our friendship and for each others company. The most magical times in my life have been the ones of human connection where you are both understood, where you have stripped away all the bullshit and you are so excited someone else has let their walls fall, it creates this spark inside me where I have renewed faith in people, in human connection. This is what makes me feel alive and not so alone, I think it is what a large portion of the world is lacking right now, with all this technology all these things to bring us closer together, we have forgotten the ones right in front of us. Sometimes you get a moment, sometimes you get a night, or a few weeks, or a lifetime, I value any time with someone when you can truly look at each other and feel safe in the confines of that person to be totally and utterly honest and real. I often think about this, I have this sort of file in myself of moments where something someone said moved me, sometimes if they had not said that perfect thing at that time it would have changed the course of my life, sometimes it was a five minute conversation with someone on a bus, but we are constantly affecting each other. People are powerful words are powerful, your presence in this daily life is powerful. You never ever know where someone is at, and how important we all are to each other in this way. I value this beyond so many things in my life, to do this is giving the other person the utmost respect, you are saying "here I am fully present with you, you are what is important right now" if you are texting and talking on the phone and watching television well it isn't the same. This is something I have really tried to do with my daughter and I have seen our relationship transform so drastically when I sit with her and give her my full attention and really talk with her, make projects with her. To see her light up inside at the excitement of such small things in something that moves me so deeply.
Starting school this year was my biggest challenge in this, just mentally making myself concentrate on one thing, just one at a time, breaking it up and solving it. Like Welding, which like most things takes on this metaphor for life for me, how in the beginning I was so afraid every time I would hesitate or bring fear into it something would happen, or when I let my mind stray, but when I worked slowly, turning this flame into a tiny dance, this blue little flame that requires such perfect timing you can think of nothing else, this is when it all came together in this silver clean line. I remember the moment and I just knew I had gotten it right. These days I am thankful for the people in my life who really make the time to be there, really to be there with me. I tend to isolate myself in books and writing and just living on this little island out the middle of the Pacific. I have so many places I want to see and taste and touch and feel, immerse myself in every tactile sensation, I have so much love to give and so much I want to express. There are so many ways I see the world, the more i know and learn, for instance the other day I saw everything in shapes and angles From a welders point of view, sometimes I see the world in poetry, sometimes I see it in photographs, I look at other people and wonder how they are seeing the world. Anias Nin wrote this beautiful simple quote "we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are"
I wake up lately just so grateful for it all...Life isn't always beautiful sometimes it is so heartbreaking and sometimes it's awkward and messy and you have to choose battles, sometimes people do really shitty things, I know I have. I know we are all human. But I also know in between all that there are just such poignant moments of beauty that I can't even fathom, I just want to be awake for them fully present. I have come to this sort of Content place~like kisses on the back of your neck, or feeling the elation of understanding, like the riding of a wave, or the discovery of music that made my heart stop...I suddenly felt this release in a way that I had never known. because I wasn't wanting anymore, I wasn't searching for it through someone else. I just found the beauty on my own... There are many things that go through my mind a day about the world at large, sometimes it seems so immense like it's all too much... But it's all pretty simple. I just want to do my best to be humble, to treat the people in my life with respect, to live a healthy full life, to make sure I raise my daughter right, to love and be loved all the same, to travel this world and to live in my moment each and every day and just to be fucking happy~
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