I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy~
anais nin

my 25 + 1 things

My 25 things 1) Everyone thinks I got my name from the bible but the truth is my father was watching the Wide World Of Sports and saw two surfer girls who he thought were “hot” apparently he liked their names too. One was Jericho Poplar and One woman was Rell Sunn. I had no idea where these women were from until I moved to Hawaii and learned Rell Sun grew up on Oahu and had passed away from breast cancer and that she was this beautiful strong woman with this amazing spirit of Aloha… Jericho Poplar went to school with one of my coworkers and had 5 daughters all named after movie stars, one of her daughters is named Ava after Ava Gardner which is who I named my daughter after. I consider it some sort of alignment with the universe that I came out to Hawaii to learn to surf and was named after two amazing women 2) I am selfish, but I also have so much love to give. Ava is the most beautiful thing I have ever created. She is my life, and everything I do is for her. I never wanted children I never planned on having children but having her I realized what it is to truly love selflessly. I figure that as long as I know that I did my very best to give her the best life possible, that I can die happy…. 3) I once broke down in the middle of the Desert, Post Burning Man where there would have been no one to save me for days. an old couple discovered me hours later they were just driving around middle of nowhere for fun...I was covered in dust and mud and tears and was wearing this old slip I had, had on for days. They took me in and fixed my car and fed me. It is the one thankyou I wish I could send…. 4) I think some sort of mix up happened when I was born in Montana, in the badlands, into a family of cowboys…I find something incredibly lonely about the flat plains, and I used to obsess about the ocean growing up. When I came to Hawaii I felt I had come home… I cried the first time I swam in the ocean, it was then that I decided we all have some sort of chemical make-up that resonates with certain places and elements…. 5) I have had times of depression that I feel are a huge part of me, I would neither take them back or choose to revisit them, I believe it has made me a much more compassionate human being. Surfing and writing are the two cheapest forms of therapy I have found and the only things that have gotten me to the other side 6) I have experienced every side of love and I always give myself completely when I do…it takes someone very important to get there and when they do they never leave me. It still always surprises me, when I meet someone who floors me and leaves me breathless and I never settle for anything less than that. And I suppose that’s why no matter how much it ever hurts, however awful the crash…I will always believe in love 7) I spent one beautiful summer in Alaska when I was eighteen. I think it set something off inside me that has remained through all the years. And that is; being okay with the silence, and being alone to hear yourself is a profound experience 8) I can’t paint and I think it’s bullshit, I have tried but really possess no talent whatsoever and feel incredibly cheated because I have this desire to paint all these things that I can’t…. 9) I believe in following your heart and not caring what anyone else thinks and I know that sounds quite generic, but it has gotten me through some hard choices…and it always ends up right...also I am a huge fan of mind blowing sex...I would make that number 10 but I am running out of room here, but really who isn't :) 10) I once lived in a horrible run down house with two czech girls, an insane alcoholic, and a crazy pitbull... 11) I was homeless in Tahoe briefly... living in my car, with no heat, in the middle of winter, there's a story I assure you as to how that happened as also with the statement before this 12) I know that had I lived a conventional life and done everything I was supposed to I would have been going against everything in my spirit...and there is nothing greater than living your truth 13) I think words and music and dance are the greatest universal gift….I am obsessed with music and used to judge people that have bad taste in music I am trying to stop doing this. I did meet my musical soulmate one time though…. 14 When I arrived on Kauai I spent the greater part of a year living in tents and camping on beaches….I learned more in that year about myself than any other time. And I still get nostalgic when I smell a hippie fresh from Kalalau 15) I think the hardest thing between people is communication….and that listening is really the most important thing in the world, I think the most beautiful thing about life is human connection 16) The best “date” I ever went on is when I met someone and I told him I had not seen the ocean in California ever and he drove me that day from Tahoe to Santa Cruz. It was the fastest I have ever fallen for someone and I have had good dates since but no one has ever beat him, as far as romantic gestures… 17) The only thing that makes me feel like a poser, is that I have owned a guitar for 6 years and I still can’t play it, I am giving myself one more year. 18) I have been writing everyday since I can ever remember, it is the one thing I must do. I want to write a book or a screenplay and somehow tackle that box of endless journals from all those years 19) I think people’s true character really comes out when they are put in uncomfortable situations and trying times, how they react… 20) There have been too many things in my life that have happened that were just so synchronistically perfect for me to ever think that things are just coincidence 21) I think there is a grotesque sort of ridiculous view of beauty now. With the media and everything in it. I love fashion which I guess would sort of contradict that statement. But I don’t like it that people have stopped looking at others as being beautiful because they don’t meet some ridiculous plastic standard. I love scars and flaws and interesting looking people. I love also that as I get older I am more comfortable in my own skin 22) I have had to work very hard for everything in my life and I consider this a virtue in some aspects, I think I am very grateful. But at some point I am hoping I get to relax a little and do more of the things that I really want to do and not have to struggle so much. I am still trying to figure out what I officially want to be or do when I grow up 23) I am planning on traveling the world at 42, and living in cities and experiencing every part of culture and life and food that I can, the only part that pains me about living is that life is so fucking short and there’s just so much to see and do experience 24) I don’t think there is just one person out there for someone, but I am convinced there is someone out there just as crazy as me, that will travel the world with me, that will get me… 25) I used to feel like you're not progressing if you stay somewhere for too long, but really being on Kauai for 8 years, and having to go through so many life changes in such a small place dealing with people and really having to face things and get over them. Has taught me humility and forgiveness, and how to let go…and that means more than just running like I used to whenever it got hard. 26) I would rather be me and be disliked than ever pretend to be something or someone I am not and be liked…. Alright I guess that’s 26

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