I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy~
anais nin
Some of us are born into this world feeling like we are different. Knowing that we are different than the others. We experience things intensely with heart, the veils feel thin. I think this recognition came when I was sixteen and took LSD I was watching everyone carefree and young and I wished I felt that, that fleeting window of youth, but it was not there. I locked myself in the bathroom and looked into the mirror and I looked into my eyes and I had this feeling that I had been here before, that there was something old about my soul. They pounded on the door but I could not open it, I had seen myself for the first time. Some of us do not fit in, we are different, we do not fit the normalcy of what is supposed to make us happy. To get married, to have a child, to make x amount of money a year. There is this feeling that something is missing. Because it is, we are the lost ones roaming around, feeling trapped by that. Because we belong in places where art is created, where music is heard with passion. And Love is felt passionately so much that it breaks our hearts to know that exists. We belong on trains to have the feeling of being alive of feeding that place in our hearts that must be free. To be free... We are the painters and the writers and the tortured souls and that fire is only fed when we create. There are the highs and the lows and the inward ache to get it out. Do not let that part of yourself die that fire of the will to know that other people hear the music too. The highs and the lows those too pass and in those moments where you feel alone, know that you are not. That tenderness that loneliness, other people feel that too. We all do, that feeling that you need more, pour it into tearing down expectations and being your authentic and true self. You do not need anyone's approval, just go do it. Do not let anyone kill your dream. And do not let anyone kill your happiness. And do not make yourself gray so that you do not shine. Be bright. There will be people who will critisize you, let them. And revel in the fact that your heart is full that you are moving toward your dream and many people will not understand, but there will be ones that will. When that doubt comes that ugly terrible doubt that you are not good enough or smart enough or talented enough...let that go. Let it go, dance it away. You do not need to be anyone but yourself. There are 7 billion people on this planet and if you don't feel loved right now, you will, there will be someone that gets you. Love yourself and your gifts and if you haven't found you that brings you joy and dive in. Dive in and there is loneliness in being different and there is beauty. And there are songs that need to be written and stories that need to be told. Follow your heart it is speaking loudly, listen~

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